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Woody Allen Quotes and Sayings | Quotes by Woody Allen

Woody Allen


You can"t ride two horses with one behind.
- Woody Allen
You can"t ride two horses with one behind.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
- Woody Allen
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let"s hope we make the right choice.
- Woody Allen
We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let"s hope we make the right choice.
Don"t think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
- Woody Allen
Don"t think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
My mother never had time for me. When you"re the middle child in a family of five million, you don"t get any attention.
- Woody Allen
My mother never had time for me. When you"re the middle child in a family of five million, you don"t get any attention.
If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative.
- Woody Allen
If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative.
If you aren"t failing, you aren"t trying.
- Woody Allen
If you aren"t failing, you aren"t trying.
When we lose twenty pounds. We may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
- Woody Allen
When we lose twenty pounds. We may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile, women shave on Saturday and most especially never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.
- Woody Allen
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile, women shave on Saturday and most especially never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.
I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
- Woody Allen
I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
- Woody Allen
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
- Woody Allen
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
- Woody Allen
I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
- Woody Allen
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
The artist"s job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
- Woody Allen
The artist"s job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
- Woody Allen
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
In California, they don"t throw their garbage away – they make it into TV shows.
- Woody Allen
In California, they don"t throw their garbage away – they make it into TV shows.
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Woody Allen

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