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Groucho Marx Quotes and Sayings | Quotes by Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx


A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
- Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast
- Groucho Marx
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
- Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have.
- Groucho Marx
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
- Groucho Marx
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
- Groucho Marx
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
- Groucho Marx
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
- Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
She"s afraid that if she leaves, she"ll become the life of the party
- Groucho Marx
She"s afraid that if she leaves, she"ll become the life of the party
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
She got her looks from her father. He"s a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx
She got her looks from her father. He"s a plastic surgeon.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
When you"re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun."
- Groucho Marx
When you"re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun."
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
- Groucho Marx
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.
- Groucho Marx
I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn"t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I"m going to be happy in it. Have a Great Monday!
- Groucho Marx
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn"t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I"m going to be happy in it. Have a Great Monday!
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Groucho Marx

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